Regaining trust is possible.

Here's a bit of positivity to start recovery month.

In case you've not read my 'about me' section, or my life story I will sum something up for you, I have been a long term cocaine addict, it led me to steal a substantial amount of money from my mum in late 2014.

Understandably, I lost quite a lot of friends and family, and I lost the trust of my mum and my brother.

In rehab I was told by a councilor that I can only control what's inside of my hula hoop, I struggled with this for a while and in earlier recovery I was too focused on changing peoples opinions of me, rather than change the opinions and beliefs of myself. I would tell my mum I've changed, which in fact I had, I had no inclination to steal from her ever again. But my words were kind of a self protest, I was too desperate to try and prove to her with words instead of actions.

It mentions in the big book of AA that as addicts we want to run the whole show, we want to direct it, produce it and take the lead role. This is exactly what I was trying to do, despite having put down the cocaine.

In the last 7 months or so, I've changed my attitude. I've took control of my hula hoop instead of controlling other peoples. When I am at my mums, and she takes her handbag to the bathroom with her, or locks me in the garden while she leaves the house for an hour, I accept it. I don't protest anymore and convince her with words. I am helpful, I ask her if I can do anything in the house or garden, instead of isolating in my room on my own.

And my hard work has PAID OFF.

I am at my mums right now, on the eve of minding my younger brother for the whole day while my mum has a well deserved coach trip with her friends. I am absolutely delighted with myself, it's been a long hard struggle to get to this point, and the feeling I have right now is better than any stimulant I've ever consumed.

She had even gave me a key.

So if you're struggling or new in recovery and you've lost some friends or family, worrying about changing peoples opinions isn't healthy, but taking action and changing your opinion of yourself is.

I have lost friends and family, sadly I think for good. And the hurt and resentment you feel is hard to get over. But once your mind becomes healthy and you accept yourself for who you are and what you've done, you will also get acceptance about the loss of people in your life.

Thanks for reading, stay clean.

Thomas